Divorced Dad Wisdom

I asked for a sign. She keyed it into my truck.

Tee · Hoodie

My biggest financial mistake had a wedding photographer.

Tee · Hoodie

If you're going to make a bad decision, at least make a good story.

Tee · Hoodie

Never trust a fart, a bald tire, or "he's just a friend."

Tee · Hoodie

You can't fix crazy. But apparently you can marry it.

Tee · Hoodie

A soulmate is just somebody you haven't divorced yet.

Tee · Hoodie

Never make permanent decisions based on temporary boobs.

Tee · Hoodie

She said I needed to grow up. So I bought a bigger toolbox.

Tee · Hoodie

Every relationship teaches you something. Mine taught me to keep receipts.

Tee · Hoodie

Marriage is just dating with paperwork and consequences.

Tee · Hoodie

I used to have money. Then I had a wedding.

Tee · Hoodie

A man's home is his castle. Until mediation.

Tee · Hoodie

Never text your ex after midnight. That's how sequels happen.

Tee · Hoodie

Never argue with a woman holding screenshots.

Tee · Hoodie

If she says she's fine, you're already fucked.

Tee · Hoodie

A wedding ring is the world's smallest handcuff with the biggest payment plan.

Tee · Hoodie

My ex said I never listen. Or something like that.

Tee · Hoodie

A good woman will change your life. A bad one will change your address.

Tee · Hoodie

The secret to a happy marriage is still a secret.

Tee · Hoodie

Always marry your second wife first. Saves a shitload of money.

Tee · Hoodie

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and buy motorcycle parts.

Tee · Hoodie

Marriage taught me patience. Divorce taught me passwords.

Tee · Hoodie

She wanted space. I wanted a garage. Everybody won.

Tee · Hoodie

Marriage is temporary. Toolboxes are forever.

Tee · Hoodie

Meeting a girl in a park = good. Parking your meat in a girl = great.

Tee · Hoodie